When I posted my previous entry, I was a big ball of nervous energy. There was worry about what sort of reactions it would receive, worried people who judge or preach or simply walk away from me.
And much to my surprise, none of that happened. Not a single, solitary scolding, put down, reprimand, insult or leaving was made. For that, I want to take the time to thank all of you who read and those who commented on my journey.
Thank you for bearing witness to my past pains and the road to recovery. Thank you for the words of love and encouragement. Thank you for opening yourselves up and sharing your own stories. Thank you for sharing in the process with me and for showing me that in unveiling my past that I can maybe be a flickering star that lights the way for others to heal as best as one can from an experience like that.
Just.. thank you. I am overwhelmed and I am humbled.
Riding on the wave of that previous painting, I began the next week's prompt... Curiosity. This time around, Connie asked that we look at our memory paintings with fresh eyes and open hearts. And to ask it questions, simple ones, like a child would. And start our curiosity paintings with those.
Looking at my painting, head cocked to the side like I used to do as a kid, my questions came to me. "Why is she blue? and what's with those circles?" And so, when I stepped to the page, those were my starting points.. blue and circles.
I started painting with the blue, sketching a big circle that then became attached to a neck and a lazily draping body. Beginning to scribble in the top of the paper with the blue, I sort of anticipated doing green in the bottom, sort of grounding the figure between Earth and Sky. But when I got down there my intuition said 'Nope! More blue.' And then another blue, in big arcs across the figure, forming half of what would have been huge circles if they were to connect to their other halves. Then, some red squiggles and highlights and finally, white circles like the ones from the previous painting.
Taking a step back from it, I noticed a swoop that reminded me of an arm reaching up towards me... so as I filled in the figure's flesh, I fleshed out the arm. The grounding that I envisioned came into play with my gut's choice of dress color - deep dark green and my hair color - brown. Looking at it now, I feel that the arm in the paint swoops is another item my intuition had me add to symbolize grounding of sorts. Keeping me from floating off into the space and losing myself even as I try to find myself. Reaching out to grasp my hand when I begin to feel overwhelmed or lost.
Finally, I went a little crazy with the paint, spattering white stars and black shadows across the painting (and subsequently on the walls behind. And I thought I was done. I went to get a glass of water and clean up, but as I was cleaning something kept tugging me back to the painting, looking at the upper arm outstretched into space... grasping at something. And I knew what I was reaching for... my heart. That tricky emotional organ that I've been working on letting beat fierce and free.
My fear gremlin was surprisingly mum during this process, I think she may have taken a vacation this past week. :-) Painting this piece was a relaxed process, I found myself smiling and feeling incredibly at ease throughout.
Looking at this painting, I feel like the answers to the intent's questions are there, as I float through the ether. I think there's something huge in the fact that my eyes are open in this painting and not closed as in the other ones I've done recently.
Comments from my fellow BIG painters that I'm posting here to look back on once our 6 week journey is over
Comment by Colleen on July 22, 2012 at 2:28am
What a great painting!
I like how her hands are reaching out for the important things.
Comment by Connie Hozvicka on July 26, 2012 at 11:52am
It was such a pleasure to read the way your process moved through this painting--it's so cool to see that movement actually reflected in your piece as well. When I look at it--I feel like the blue is dancing around her. I love that!
I also love how open and comfortable you are with listening to your painting and following through with what it asks of you. I'm not at all surprised that her eyes are open in the painting--for I see you as a person that see's deeper than most.
Thank you so much for sharing Danielle.